Sitting in my in laws living room, I reflect on the past year and on my life as a whole. Again and again, I find myself wondering what motivates people, what drives them, and what makes them wake up every day.

It is true that some people lack motivation for a multitude of reasons. Some are understandable, others less so. I often find myself asking questions like these.

Why are people interested in culture? What do they derive from it? Why do they gather at operas and pay so much for such events (as I now watch one in TV)?

Why do people behave the way they do? Why do they say good morning, and why do they reply when wished a happy new year? Do we act out of decency, or out of habit? Do people genuinely enjoy receiving messages like greetings from someone, or being told that another person said hello and expects one in return?

I cannot help thinking that many of these actions are driven by a desire to be agreeable, liked, respected, or simply perceived well. This leads me to ask what actually gives life meaning, and what makes sharing moments with people we appreciate truly significant.

Over time, I have come to understand this more clearly. I have started to find answers and to form stronger conclusions based on what I observe and learn each day. What follows is a high level summary of what I currently believe.

• I have come to believe that lasting motivation is primarily intrinsic. Happiness and other emotions, if we want them to endure, must come from within. External factors may influence how we feel, but only temporarily.

• People tend to remember how you make them feel about themselves, rather than how impressive you are. What we call greatness is often nothing more than a reflection of the feelings we evoke in others.

• That sense of greatness itself is usually sustained through consistent external validation, whether it comes from people, books/sources, or groups of like minded individuals.

• Community provides a sense of belonging, regardless of its nature. It can be religious, educational, destructive, addictive, unhealthy, healthy, fitness oriented, or something else entirely. Communities validate how we think and what we believe. That validation creates the feeling of being right or on the right path. In reality, there is no objectively right or wrong path, only the one we choose to follow.

• People tend to reject what they fear. Certain people or external triggers revive deeply rooted fears or past trauma, such as a violent parent, bullying, or an intense negative experience. When possible, we distance ourselves. We leave jobs, relationships, friendships, and sometimes even family, in an attempt to escape those feelings.

• We can only overcome these feelings by facing them. Not by fighting them, but by accepting them and recognizing that avoidance often comes from fear. Experiencing fear or having lived through such situations is not inherently wrong.

I also believe that much of what we do is driven by a need to validate our own existence, including acts of kindness. I do not see this as inherently negative, but as a structural aspect of human behavior. The value we bring to others shapes how we perceive our own worth. We are constantly searching for value in a diverse and changing world.

As the world evolves, our doubts evolve with it, and our sense of self worth is continually tested. The only thing capable of sustaining our perception of value is ourselves, and we can only progress as far as our character allows. The idea of a single shared truth is appealing, but each path is personal. We must explore in order to discover our own direction, whether alone or alongside a community.

Ultimately, I believe that actions driven by self interest can still result in positive outcomes, such as supporting others in need in order to feel fulfilled. People often believe this separates them from figures like Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos, but I am not convinced the underlying driver is fundamentally different. Both act from personal motives. The difference lies in the outcomes they produce and how those outcomes are perceived by others. Perception matters, especially among those whose recognition we seek.

I want to end with a self reflective note. I need all of this too, perhaps in my own way. This need for acceptance and belonging is part of being human. Even if the circle is small, the desire to belong remains.

I feel proud of how far I have come, how much I have learned, and how much I have grown mentally and in wisdom. Awareness shapes how we respond to external triggers and how much control we allow them to have over us. The first step toward wisdom is learning to master ourselves, our emotions and our reactions. Life is not defined by what comes to us, but by what we give, how we respond, where we place our energy, and ultimately, by our thoughts.

I’ve seen the same costly mistake repeated by engineering and product leaders: overstaffing a vision before validating it. It’s a mistake we easily spot in others, yet often justify in ourselves.

It always starts with a compelling, grandiose idea. And let’s be clear: there’s nothing wrong with vision. The mistake is the jump from “this idea is great” to “therefore, we must hire multiple teams to build it immediately.”

The consequences write themselves. Within months, you have talented people without clear purpose, overstaffed departments straining coordination, and, ultimately, the sad reality of layoffs. Growth for growth’s sake is a hollow victory.

I once worked with a C-level executive whose LinkedIn profile proudly stated: “Grew z department from x to y people.” On paper, it looked impressive. In reality, it was a mess. We had a crowd of talented people with no coherent direction, no validated roadmap, and no product vision to channel their energy. It was as boring and demoralizing as it sounds.

This is why I believe our core responsibility as leaders is to make the right call on when to scale. And since I don’t have a crystal ball, I’ve become fiercely critical of my own excitement. My antidote is a bias toward validation.

My approach is simple:

1. Start small. Before any big hiring efforts, I motivate us to talk to users and potential customers. The goal is to build a scrappy first version, a “good enough” prototype and find a handful of pilot users for brutal, early feedback.

2. Check the data. After building the small prototype, let’s track and watch the data closely. How many users are using our product? what’s their feedback? what else can we do (beyond engineering) to promote this new product? Marketing, sales, anything else?

3. Embrace chaos. At this stage, process is usually the enemy. Feedback loops must be incredibly short, allowing you to pivot or persevere with speed. If the idea seems to need 20 people, I start with the 5 I have to prove it deserves the other 15.

4. Own the decision and the outcomes. Once a decision is made to scale, I stay accountable for the results. Too often, leaders who championed a project start searching for external causes to blame at the first sign of trouble, rather than owning the need to pivot or, crucially, to kill the project.

This is how “project graveyards” are created, and in consequence, zombie projects. These are initiatives that suck up time, money, and morale long after everyone knows they’re doomed. Keeping them on life support is usually a failure of courage, or rather, the fear of making another “wrong” call. So we let the zombies hang around, “just in case.”

Of course, none of this works without having the right people. A wrong hire or a toxic personality can sink even the most validated idea. Hiring for team players over solo heroes, managing performance courageously, and knowing which cultural battles to fight are all part of the equation. The brilliant solo player might be able to easily build a stunning POC, but the collaborative team builds and maintains a lasting product.

I’ve also seen leaders who consistently make great calls. Their pattern is clear:

• They define the minimal viable scope to validate a need.

• They get the right people for the job, blending internal talent with strategic hires.

• They vigilantly guard team culture against toxicity and lone-wolf mentalities.

• They have the courage to let people go and to kill projects, understanding that these are acts of strategic clarity, not failure.

• They are team players themselves, accountable and in the trenches.

The takeaway isn’t to think small. It’s to build smart. Start with the problem, not the headcount. Prove you’re on to something with the team you have. Scale your team as a reward for finding value, not as a gamble to invent it.

I remember a time when I was doing many things at once. I was full of energy, curiosity, and excitement. I felt at my peak, deeply in love with the work. My boss, the CTO at the time, once asked if I was sure about taking on another task. “Absolutely,” I said immediately. “I’ve still got capacity.”

What I didn’t realize was that by doing many things, I wasn’t truly effective at any of them. Yes, I was pitching ideas, drafting project plans, sketching org structures. It was a fantastic way to learn, but it also burned me out—not from the volume of work, but from the weight of expectations I’d tied to each opportunity.

To me, it felt natural: if I pitched an idea, it would be adopted. If I was asked to prepare a hiring plan, it was an easy sell. I thought my energy and enthusiasm were enough.

That’s not how it works. Having the idea isn’t enough. Being smart and excited isn’t enough. Timing matters. The audience matters. The pitch matters.

I ended up disappointed in some of these occasions.

Now, I see those chapters not as a failure, but as a necessary detour. It was the raw, unrefined version of the drive I still value. I still love being in the trenches—the octopus with its arms in a dozen problems—but now I ask a question my younger self didn’t: are these the trenches, or just a trench? Is this where the battle for impact is actually being fought?

My biggest lesson from that experience—and others like it—was to relearn focus. Not every battle is worth fighting, and certainly not all at once. Superman doesn’t exist, and he is definitely not me. I wasn’t going to save anyone until I saved myself the struggle of constant juggling.

It’s the same discipline I try to apply today: the constant editing of my own and my team’s enthusiasm. Saying “yes, but later” or “not this” is now a core part of the job. It’s less fun in the moment than a euphoric “yes,” but it’s the only way to ensure that our busyness has a direction, and that our energy is spent not just wisely, but well.

Looking back, juggling all those balls was entertaining. It felt rewarding in the moment. But overall, it wasn’t effective. It distracted me from asking the right questions, from focusing on the right problems, and from maximizing what truly mattered.

The other day I was submerged in work. I felt like an octopus - it was a combination of being overwhelmed and a strong feeling of satisfaction, because:

• I felt I was getting many things done.

• I felt I was useful to my team.

• I felt that I was in the trenches and with my hands full.

As a seasoned manager, it is rare to find myself in the trenches, as I’m used to being in endless back-to-back meetings. To me, this was a privilege: to do what I love with people that I enjoy working with.

At the same time, I can’t stop thinking whether feeling like this at certain times is right - whether it is right to feel “busy” without thinking much about the overall impact or outcomes rather than output.

Once upon a time, as a less experienced leader, I used to enjoy long periods submerged in things that, in the end, didn’t matter much. I felt I was accomplishing a lot, but looking back, I wasn’t.

I learned over time to be critical, to question the things my team(s) and I were doing, and to evaluate whether we were making the right bets for the team, company, and product.

To say it out loud: It’s simply easier to go on auto-pilot mode, to just get things done and stay in the comfort zone. It’s easier to feel and think that the things we’re doing are relevant and bringing value, or not?

The more experienced we get, the more we’re paid to optimize, organize, and analyze whether the direction we’re taking as a team and company makes sense. I tend to think that nobody really knows what they’re doing and that most of the job is making decisions and hoping to be right, or partially right, when all is said and done.

So now, I try to hold both feelings at once: the deep satisfaction of a day spent in the trenches, and the critical voice that asks if we’re in the right path. I’ve learned that the real work isn’t choosing one over the other, but learning to listen to both. The joy of doing tells me I’m engaged; the unease of questioning ensures that engagement actually matters.

Let’s talk about something we rarely see in job descriptions but everyone in tech feels: The Pedigree Preference.

You know the drill. That vague request for a "reputable university" (just saw this in a job ad). The instant sparkle a FAANG/MAANG (Meta, Apple, Amazon, Netflix, Google) logo adds to a resume. The quiet nod when someone spots McKinsey or BCG on a CV. It’s not a guaranteed job, but it’s often a guaranteed first look.

For years, I didn’t have that shine. Hi, I’m [Your Name]. I built my career on gut instinct, chasing interesting problems and teams I vibed with, not chasing brand names. I believed fiercely in my skills, my ability to learn fast, and the tangible value I could deliver. And honestly? I still do.

But here’s the reality check I had: The hiring world often uses pedigree as a shortcut. It’s a risk-reduction tactic, a quick filter in a sea of applicants. Coming from the Dominican Republic – a place bursting with life, resilience, and incredible culture that shaped who I am – my professional path didn’t follow the expected "prestige" trajectory. My resume didn't automatically open doors guarded by those unspoken preferences.

My initial reaction wasn't anger; it was confusion. Why did someone with 2 years at a "name brand" firm sometimes seem to leapfrog someone with 5 years of deep, diverse experience elsewhere? It felt like a hidden rulebook I hadn't been given. I realized something crucial: Not playing the "prestige game" early on meant I sometimes had to work harder just to get to the starting line. It wasn't about my capability; it was about the initial perception.

Here’s the pivot in my thinking: Instead of resenting the game, I learned to understand it. Had I grasped the weight placed on that "pedigree currency" earlier, I might have strategically included a prestige stop on my journey. Not because those places are inherently superior, but because I recognized the signal they send in a noisy market. It’s a layer of social proof that can offset unconscious biases (yes, they exist everywhere) or fill gaps a quick resume scan might highlight.

This also led to a profound insight about perspective. People who've only known life inside prestigious bubbles often genuinely perceive their success as purely merit-based. Why? Because privilege, by its nature, is often invisible to those who benefit from it. It’s not malice; it’s a lack of contrast. If your path has mostly had open doors, you might not notice the ones that stay shut for others. It’s a human blind spot.

So, what’s the playbook for those of us who built our strength outside the traditional spotlight?

• See the Board, Play the Game: Acknowledge pedigree bias exists. It’s a flawed filter, but it's one filter. Understanding the rules is strategic intelligence, not surrender.

• Weaponize Your Origin Story: My Latin American roots aren't a footnote; they’re foundational. The hustle, adaptability, cultural fluency, and problem-solving forged outside the "traditional" path? That’s your competitive edge. Frame it as your superpower: "Built resilience navigating X," "Developed agility in fast-paced, resourceful environments," "Grew a global perspective from day one."

• Become Undeniably Credible: Prestige is one credibility signal. Build yours louder:

  • Quantify Ruthlessly: Did you boost efficiency by 30%? Save $X? Ship Y under deadline? Make it impossible to ignore.

  • Showcase Thought Leadership: Write, speak, contribute meaningfully online. Own your expertise publicly.

  • Network with Purpose: Build genuine connections based on shared value and insight, not just titles. Your network is your reputation.

  • Master Your Craft: Be so deeply skilled that your work silences any resume doubts.

• Target Your Audience: Seek companies known for valuing results and diverse thinking over polish. Their cultures are often more dynamic and innovative anyway.

• Embrace Strategic Learning: My "non-traditional" path taught me invaluable lessons. Now, I actively seek deep knowledge – system design, architectural patterns, decision history – because I know it makes my contributions undeniable. Curiosity is your jet fuel.

The bottom line? The system has biases. But your unique journey – the resilience, the perspective, the hunger honed outside the expected corridors – holds immense value. It might mean crafting your narrative more deliberately or proving yourself faster initially, but that value is real and desperately needed.

Don't let the unspoken code define you. Redefine the game. Use your understanding to build an undeniable case for your brilliance. The world doesn't just need the pedigreed; it needs the perceptive, the adaptable, and the relentlessly resourceful. It needs people like us.

Several years ago, I developed a mild food allergy. My body began reacting to fruits I’d eaten safely for decades. My doctor explained this was Oral Allergy Syndrome (OAS), where the immune system mistakenly identifies harmless proteins as threats.

It struck me how similar this is to how organizations react to change. Well-intentioned defenses designed to protect the company can sometimes overreact to harmless, or even beneficial, new ideas.

Rather than fighting these mechanisms, the most effective leaders learn to work with their organization’s immune response. Here’s how.

The caution response

• What’s happening: Middle managers flag potential risks in newly proposed initiatives

• Intent behind: Protecting the company from truly damaging moves

• Constructive approach:

  • Acknowledge valid concerns first

  • Propose small-scale tests to demonstrate safety

  • Example: When introducing a new tool, we ran a 30-day pilot with one team and shared measurable security results

The process response

• What’s happening: Additional checks and approvals are needed to implement (new) changes

• Intent behind: Maintaining quality and coordination. Controlling excessive overhead that comes with new changes.

• Constructive approach:

  • Distinguish between necessary and redundant controls

  • Be extra critical with your proposed changes and re-evaluate/validate if these are needed at all

  • By re-evaluating your approach, make sure you reduce complexity of its implementation and lower the risk of it failing

The Culture Response

• What’s happening: New ways of working face cultural resistance

• Intent behind: Preserving what makes the company unique and what keeps people from being comfortable (change)

• Constructive approach:

  • Connect changes to existing values

  • Identify cultural ambassadors to champion adoption

  • When introducing agile methods, we framed them as “living our value of continuous improvement” rather than replacing how we worked

Building Organizational Tolerance

Just as allergy sufferers can gradually increase tolerance through controlled exposure, organizations can become more adaptable:

Start Small

• Begin with low-risk experiments to demonstrate benefits

Measure and Share

• Collect data on what works to address legitimate concerns

Celebrate Adaptability

• Recognize teams that successfully navigate change

Organizational defenses exist for good reason, and, the key is helping them evolve alongside business needs. By understanding these mechanisms and working with them constructively, we can:

• Maintain necessary protections

• Reduce unnecessary friction

• Create space for meaningful innovation

Reflection: Where has your organization successfully adapted its defenses to support positive change?

🔗 Share this with leaders and people navigating organizational change!

We’ve all been there.

You’re mid-conversation when suddenly:
🦸🏽‍♀️ Hero Mode Activated ("I’ll fix this!")
😰 Victim Mode Engaged ("Why does this always happen to me?")
🦹🏼‍♀️ Villain Protocol Initiated ("This is obviously your fault")

Congratulations! you’ve entered the Karpman Drama Triangle, psychology’s most exhausting merry-go-round.

The 3 Roles That Keep You Stuck

(Spoiler: They all s*ck)

The Victim

• Signature phrase: "Poor me!"

• Secret agenda: Wants sympathy, not solutions

• Telltale sign: Uses "always/never" language

The Persecutor

• Signature phrase: "It’s YOUR fault!"

• Secret agenda: Control through blame

• Telltale sign: Critical parent energy

The Rescuer

• Signature phrase: "Let me handle it!"

• Secret agenda: Needs to be needed

• Telltale sign: Burnout by Thursday

Fun fact: These roles rotate like a toxic game of musical chairs.

Why You Keep Playing

• Feels familiar (thanks, childhood!)

• Provides adrenaline hits of conflict/validation

• Lets you avoid true accountability

The Escape Plan: Flip the Script

Real-life example:
❌ Old Pattern:
"You never listen!" (Victim)
"Well you’re irrational!" (Persecutor)
"Both of you, just—sigh—let me mediate" (Rescuer)

💡New Pattern:
"I’d like to communicate better, when’s a good time to talk?" (Creator)
"I want to understand your side" (Challenger)
"You’ve got this" (Coach)

Your Homework

Next time you feel drama brewing:

1. Pause

2. Ask: "Which role am I playing?"

3. Choose your upgrade

Pro tip: Awareness and recognition are the first steps to know when to stop playing this game

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Let’s get this out of the way: There’s no magic recipe. No checklist. No "5 Easy Steps" to high-performing teams.

What exists instead? A delicate ecosystem where the right conditions, when harmonized, create an environment where excellence emerges.

Through 6+ years leading engineering teams and over 12 years experience in the tech landscape, I’ve seen:
• Good teams that delivered despite obstacles
• Great teams that struggled due to a lack of vision and product strategy
• Perfect-on-paper teams that somehow never clicked and still managed to deliver value

Here’s what actually moves the needle.

The Harmony Equation

(All elements must play together)

→ Clear North Star

• Why it matters: Org + Product + Engineering alignment creates decision-making autonomy

• Warning signs: Teams constantly ask "Why are we doing this?"

→ Intentional Team Design

• Why it matters: Complementary skills + balanced seniority = resilience

• Warning signs: Hero culture or skill gaps that create bottlenecks

→ Radical Clarity

• Why it matters: Role expectations eliminate energy-draining ambiguity

• Warning signs: "That’s not my job" mentality

→ Adaptive Processes

• Why it matters: Just enough structure to enable flow (not bureaucracy)

• Warning signs: Process worship OR chaotic unpredictability

→ Living Team Values

• Why it matters: Behaviors the team will defend (not just posters on walls)

• Warning signs: Values are aspirational but not operational

The secret sauce? These elements don’t just coexist, they reinforce each other.

The Manager’s Dilemma

You can have all the right ingredients and still bake a flat cake if:

☔ Conflict resolution is avoided instead of leaned into
📉 Performance issues are tolerated instead of transformed
🎻 Team stability isn’t protected during changes (new members, reorgs, pivots)

Every team change resets the "Forming → Storming → Norming → Performing" cycle. Your job isn’t to prevent storms, it’s to ensure the ship stays seaworthy while navigating them.

The Human Factor

High performance dies when:
• Individual motivations are ignored (career? recognition? (social) impact?)
• People can’t connect their work to something meaningful
• "Good enough" becomes the standard

It dies when conformity becomes the norm, not necessarily on the part of the teams, but on the part of the organization and the environments that surround it.

The Uncomfortable Truth

Perfect conditions don’t exist. High-performing teams aren’t born, they’re built through:

1. Relentless clarity

2. Intentional design

3. Courageous maintenance

Pick one element that’s shaky in your team today and ask: "How could this better harmonize with the other pieces?"

To Conclude

Building exceptional teams isn't about finding a magic formula, it's about consistent, engaged leadership meeting committed, complementary talent in the right environment. You need:

1. The right mix of skills and personalities

2. The right context (clear goals, psychological safety, resources)

3. The right leadership - hands-on when nurturing, hands-off when empowering (and this has to be at the right time).

This isn't a spectator sport. Like any meaningful relationship, it takes active participation from both sides: the leader who cultivates the conditions, and the team members who choose to grow together and embrace change. The best teams aren't managed—they're co-created.

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It still surprises me how much weight we give to tenure, the number of years someone spends at a company as a sign of quality.

Hiring is hard. Resumes and interviews aren’t perfect. But why do we assume that “stability” equals excellence? Someone with less than two years in past roles often gets labeled "unstable," while those with five or more years are seen as "safe bets." But are we really measuring impact, or just endurance?

What about the person who drives real change in three months versus someone who coasts for five years? Tenure doesn’t measure curiosity, adaptability, or results. At best, it’s a weak sign of reliability; at worst, it rewards complacency.

Data from LinkedIn and Gallup shows that motivation and impact don’t always match up with tenure. Some of the most engaged employees move more often—not because they’re disloyal, but because they want meaningful work.

The Wrong Interview Questions

Most hiring managers focus on:

• "Why did you leave your last job?"

• "Can you explain this short stay?"

But a job is, at its core, a simple exchange. I provide value; you pay me for it. If the fit is great, the relationship grows. If not, it ends.

Yet employees carry all the pressure to explain job changes. Companies face no scrutiny for firing people during probation, but candidates get penalized for "short stints." Why? Because hiring is expensive—so businesses default to avoiding risk instead of measuring real impact.

Loyalty Isn’t About Suffering

Let’s be clear: Loyalty should not mean misery.

Too many people stay in jobs they hate, doing the bare minimum to get by. That’s not commitment—that’s checked-out survival mode. And it’s bad for everyone:

• Innovation dies because no one cares enough to push boundaries.

• Top performers quit when they see mediocrity rewarded.

• Growth stalls because "staying a long time" gets mistaken for success.

I once heard a senior leader say:
"Not everyone has to be a superstar. Some people will slack, and that’s fine."

I strongly disagree. If you know someone is disengaged and you allow it, you hurt your team, your culture, and your business.

A Better Way to Hire

Tenure isn’t useless—but it shouldn’t be the only factor. Instead of asking "why they left," try:

1. "What’s the biggest impact you made in your last role, and how fast did you make it happen?"

2. "What did you learn that made you ready for something new?"

3. "How do you solve problems you’ve never seen before?"

Look for actions, not just years:

• Curiosity – Do they ask tough questions? Challenge the usual way of doing things?

• Ownership – Do they lead change, or wait for instructions?

• Impact – Can they point to real results, even in short roles?

The 30-Day Challenge

Years ago, I worked with someone who transformed our team in just 30 days. By week two, they’d spotted inefficiencies. By week three, they proposed fixes. By the end of the month, we had a better way of working.

They weren’t just "a good hire"—they were a spark. And they proved that impact isn’t about time served; it’s about what you do with the time you have.

The Takeaway

Hiring for tenure is easy. Hiring for impact takes effort and it’s the only way to build teams that innovate, adapt, and win.

“To want change, or not to?” That’s the real question.
Does your organization truly want change, or just the idea of it?

I’ve seen it time and time again: teams and managers boldly claim they want change - urgently, desperately. But when that change finally comes knocking, the response is often… silence. Stillness. Anxiety. Passiveness.

Because there’s a big difference between desiring change and acting on it.

The Status Quo Has Gravity

I’ve witnessed and personally experienced how new hires, brought in to shake things up, are quickly forced to adapt to the old ways. To the same broken status quo hiring managers themselves criticized during the interview process.

But then... why does it persist?

Because disrupting the status quo, especially while juggling day-to-day stressors, is hard. It demands courage, clarity, and a willingness to be uncomfortable. Most organizations aren’t really built for that.

“Didn’t You Say We Were Moving Away from Excel?”

You join full of ideas and energy, ready to build something better. In your first few weeks, you're proposing forward-looking solutions—and then suddenly your manager asks:

“Hey, could you please put this in the Excel sheet?”

Wait. Wasn’t the whole point to move away from Excel? Weren’t you supposed to lead change? You pause. You did your part. You shared ideas. But… now we’re here?

This is the dissonance so many face.

Why Are You the One Fixing Their Mess?

There’s this common narrative: “New people always want to change everything.”
But why wouldn’t they? Most likely, during the interviews, the company painted a picture of dysfunction. They shared frustrations with underperforming teams, bad processes, or poor metrics. And now you, the outsider, are expected to fix what insiders have tolerated for months or years?

That’s the first red flag.

The Hero with No Horse

You were hired to be the hero, the savior. But the moment you start acting like one, bringing change, proposing new ways, the organization’s immune system kicks in. You face resistance. Suddenly, even your manager disappears. They stop supporting you. They don’t communicate your mission to the rest of the team.

Now, you’re the outsider. The enemy.

The story you were told in the interview? That’s yours alone now.
No one else sees that reality.

Welcome to the System, You’re Now Part of It

So what happens? You begin doing things the “old way.”

• You start using Excel again.

• You sit in endless meetings.

• Projects stall for months.

• You spend more time defining what to do than doing it.

And inside, something in you knows this isn’t right. You saw how broken it was from the outside. You know it can be better. But acting on that truth comes with a price: friction, resistance, being disliked.

So what do you do?

You adapt. Or you leave.

You downgrade the “calling” into just a “job.”

The Real Red Flag

Here’s what surprises me most: if the status quo was so bad, why didn’t the hiring manager do something about it before?

• Why didn’t they fire the toxic person they complained about?

• Why didn’t they stop the pointless project?

• Why did they wait for someone new to come in?

What you're seeing is more than resistance—it's a symptom of weak leadership: indecision, avoidance, lack of feedback, and a total absence of ownership.

This isn’t a one-off moment. It’s a preview of the next 6–12 months, maybe even years.

The Status Quo Trap

You, my friend, have fallen into the status quo trap. And you didn’t see it coming.

Interviews are like dating. Everyone’s selling the dream.

• The candidate: “I’m your change agent.”

• The company: “We’re a rocketship with problems we really want to fix.”

In the end, it becomes personal. If you accept the role, you don’t want to feel like you made a mistake. If they hired you, they don’t want to be challenged or exposed. Ego gets involved. Rejection becomes painful on both sides.

I remember the first time a candidate I really wanted turned down an offer.. it felt like heartbreak. The same happens in reverse.

So, Do You Really Want Change?

Because if you do, it won’t come wrapped in comfort.

It will come with discomfort, hard conversations, loss of control, and disruption of familiar rhythms.

You have to earn your way out of the status quo. And that starts with a question:

Are you willing to pay the price of real change?

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Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the ego. Not in the “look at me, I’m so great” kind of way, but in the way it quietly shapes how we see ourselves and interact with the world. It’s funny how something so intangible can have such a tangible impact on our lives.

It all started when I found myself reflecting on past situations—times when I got unnecessarily pissed off or defensive because someone’s actions or words didn’t align with the image I had of myself. You know what I mean, right? That mental picture we all carry of who we are, who we want to be, and how we want others to see us. It’s like we’re all walking around with these little self-portraits in our heads, and anything that threatens to smudge them feels like a personal attack.

But here’s the thing: clinging to that image doesn’t just make us defensive—it keeps us stuck. It prevents us from growing, learning, and truly connecting with others. And honestly, it’s exhausting.

That Time My Ego Threw a Tantrum Over a Work Email

The ego is a master of self-preservation. It wants us to believe we’re consistent, rational, and in control—even when we’re not. It’s why we get so bent out of shape when someone criticizes us or behaves in a way that contradicts our values.

For example, I remember a time when a colleague gave me feedback that felt completely unfair. My first reaction? Defensiveness. I immediately started listing all the reasons they were wrong and why I was actually doing a great job. But later, when I calmed down, I realized there was some truth to what they said. My ego had just been too busy protecting my self-image to let me see it.

Sound familiar?

Why We're All Secretly Defensive Little Gremlins

One of the hardest things about being human is dealing with other humans. Especially the ones we can’t choose to avoid—like coworkers, family members, or that one neighbor who always seems to know how to push your buttons.

These relationships are like mirrors, reflecting back the parts of ourselves we’d rather not see. And when someone’s behavior doesn’t align with our values or expectations, it can feel like a personal affront. But here’s the truth: we can’t control other people. We can’t force them to live up to our standards or see things the way we do. And trying to do so only leads to frustration and conflict.

So how do we coexist with people who are fundamentally different from us? How do we collaborate, make joint decisions, and build meaningful connections without losing ourselves in the process?

Friendship Isn't as Selfless as You Think

Let’s talk about friendship for a minute. We like to think of friendship as this pure, selfless bond based on love and mutual support. But if I’m being honest, friendship is often more transactional than we’d like to admit.

I recently read The Elephant in the Brain, and it completely shifted how I think about human behavior. The book argues that much of what we do—including how we interact with friends—is driven by hidden motives. We “groom” each other (metaphorically, of course) by listening, validating, and offering support because we expect the same in return. Friendships fulfill a need, whether it’s companionship, validation, or a sense of belonging.

And you know what? That’s okay. It’s human nature. But when we refuse to acknowledge this reality, we set ourselves up for disappointment. We expect others to be selfless, even as we act in our own self-interest. And when they fall short of our expectations, we feel betrayed or disillusioned.

Newsflash: We're Probably Not That Special

One of the ego’s sneakiest traps is what I like to call the “legacy mindset”—the belief that we’re destined for greatness, that our names will be remembered, and that we’re entitled to a certain level of respect or admiration.

I’ll admit, I’ve fallen into this trap more times than I’d like to admit. I’ve caught myself thinking, I’m better than this or I deserve more than this. But the truth is, most of us won’t leave a lasting legacy. Most of us, in the grand scale of things, are not special—and realistically speaking, average at best.

And that’s okay.

Letting go of this mindset doesn’t mean giving up on ambition or purpose. It means accepting that our worth isn’t tied to how others see us or what we achieve. It means finding fulfillment in the present moment, rather than chasing some distant, idealized future.

How I’m Learning to Let Go

After years of observing my own defensive patterns, I've identified five breakthrough realizations that consistently weaken the ego's grip:

• The Power of the Pause
  That space between stimulus and response is where growth happens. When I notice irritation rising, I've trained myself to ask: "Is this about them, or about my own insecurities?" The answer is always illuminating.

• The Perfection Paradox
  I've come to appreciate that my contradictions don't make me flawed - they make me human. The pursuit of consistency is often just the ego's attempt to maintain a fiction. True confidence comes from owning all your dimensions.

• The Control Illusion
  What liberated me wasn't just accepting I can't control others, but realizing I wouldn't want to. People's autonomy is what makes relationships meaningful. My energy now goes into mastering my own responses and beyond that, what I allow to trigger me.

• Present-Moment Anchoring
  Legacy is a distraction. When I focus on doing good work today, with these people, in this moment, the need to be "remembered" fades into irrelevance.

I often reflect on a simple truth: "In the large scheme of things, our problems are insignificant." This isn't meant to diminish our experiences, but to offer liberation - when viewed against the vast canvas of existence, our ego's preoccupations lose their urgency.

The Liberating Joy of Being a “Mess”

Letting go of the ego isn’t easy. It requires us to confront uncomfortable truths about ourselves and the world. But it’s also incredibly liberating. When we stop clinging to a fixed self-image, we open ourselves up to growth, connection, and genuine happiness.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to appreciate the value of solitude—of being alone with my thoughts, free from the need for validation or approval. But I’ve also learned that true freedom comes from embracing our humanity, flaws and all.

So the next time you feel your ego flaring up, take a deep breath. Ask yourself: Am I defending an image, or am I embracing reality? The answer might just set you free.

What about you? How do you deal with your ego? Have you found ways to let go of the need for validation or control? or even better: When did your ego last embarrass you?

Let’s be real, people can be frustrating. Your coworker forgets to reply to your email, your friend bails on plans last minute, or some stranger cuts you off in traffic like they have a personal vendetta against you. It’s so easy to assume the worst, that people are selfish, inconsiderate, or just plain rude. But what if I told you there’s a simple mental trick that can change how you see these situations, reduce your stress, and help you go through life with a little more peace of mind? Enter Hanlon’s Razor.

Hanlon’s Razor is a principle that says: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence, ignorance, or simple human error. In other words, most of the time, people aren’t out to get you—they’re just distracted, overwhelmed, or having an off day. Just like you.

My First Encounter with Hanlon’s Razor

I remember the first time I really put this idea into practice. I was working on an important project, and I had sent an email to a colleague asking for crucial data. Days passed. No response. I followed up, and still….nothing. My brain immediately went to, They’re ignoring me on purpose. They don’t care about my work. Are they trying to make me look bad? But then I paused and thought, Wait… maybe they’re just buried in their own work, or they missed the email. So, instead of firing off a passive-aggressive message, I walked over to their desk and asked politely. Turns out, my email had ended up in their spam folder. A completely innocent mistake.

That moment stuck with me because it made me realize how often we assume the worst when a much simpler explanation is right in front of us.

Why Hanlon’s Razor Matters

It Saves You from Unnecessary Stress

I used to get so frustrated when people flaked on plans. My go-to thought was, They don’t respect my time. But more often than not, my friends weren’t trying to be disrespectful, they just had things come up. Life happens. When I started giving people the benefit of the doubt, I noticed I was a lot less irritated by things outside my control.

It Makes You More Empathetic

Hanlon’s Razor isn’t just about reducing frustration, it’s about seeing people as human. We all mess up, forget things, or get caught up in our own lives. I once showed up late to a dinner with friends, completely frazzled from a long day. If they had assumed I was being inconsiderate, it would’ve been hurtful. Instead, they were understanding. That’s the kind of energy I try to put out into the world now.

It Helps You Take Control of Your Reactions

Mark Manson, in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck*, says: You are always choosing how to see the world, how to interpret events, and how to respond to them. When you apply Hanlon’s Razor, you take control of your own narrative. Instead of feeling like a victim of other people’s actions, you shift your mindset to something more constructive.

Being frank, it still happens to me from time to time, but now I react quickly to my own biases and stop them immediately. Reacting defensively is very human; it protects us, whether physically or emotionally; it's simply how we're wired to act for our own survival. Being aware is the key to instantly detecting when you might be overreacting in certain situations.

How to Apply Hanlon’s Razor in Daily Life

Pause Before Reacting – The next time someone does something that upsets you, take a moment. Ask yourself: Is there a simpler explanation for their behavior? Maybe they were just distracted, busy, or dealing with something you don’t know about.

Assume Good Intentions – Most people aren’t out to get you. They’re just trying to navigate their own lives, just like you. Instead of assuming hostility, assume humanity.

Communicate with Kindness – If someone’s behavior is bothering you, address it directly but with understanding. Instead of “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel unheard when I don’t get a response to my messages.”

Remember Your Own Mistakes – Think about times you’ve been the one who forgot to reply, made a mistake, or seemed rude without meaning to. If you’d want grace in those moments, why not extend it to others?

Use It for Self-Compassion – Hanlon’s Razor isn’t just about how you see others, it’s also a great tool for how you treat yourself. When you mess up, remind yourself that one mistake doesn’t define you. You’re human, and humans aren’t perfect.

My Take-away

At its heart, Hanlon’s Razor is about choosing optimism. It’s about understanding that most people, even when they frustrate you, are just doing their best. And when you start seeing the world that way, life gets a little lighter. You waste less energy on negativity, you strengthen your relationships, and you give yourself a break, too.

So, the next time someone cuts you off in traffic or forgets to text back, take a deep breath and ask yourself: Is this malice, or is it just human error? The answer might just change your day, and your perspective.

Let’s get one thing straight: no one has it all figured out. Not the CTO crafting the tech roadmap, not the CEO steering the company, not the salesperson closing deals, and certainly not the engineer debugging code at 2 a.m.

Everyone is operating within their own unique mix of skills, experiences, and levels of assertiveness. The difference between those who succeed and those who don’t isn’t some secret playbook, it’s the confidence to navigate uncertainty and the grit to keep moving forward.

But here’s the catch: confidence is in short supply. Most people look to others for reassurance, guidance, or even permission to act. They wait for someone else to take the first step, to give the green light, or to hand them a roadmap. And while this might feel safe, it’s a surefire way to stay stuck.

Why confidence matters more than certainty

In any organization, especially at the senior level, the expectation is clear: figure it out and execute. Leaders, whether they say it outright or not reward initiative. They don’t want employees who need step-by-step instructions; they want people who can take ownership, make decisions, and deliver results.

Of course, confidence alone isn’t enough. It has to be backed by action and outcomes. But those who project confidence and consistently deliver gain something even more valuable: trust. And with trust comes influence.

The truth is, leadership isn’t about titles or formal authority. It’s about representation. People follow those who embody their aspirations, values, or beliefs. But here’s the twist: representation can go two ways.

The two faces of leadership

On one end of the spectrum, you have the toxic representative. This is the person who rallies others through shared frustrations, complaints, and cynicism. They position themselves as the voice of the disenfranchised, but instead of driving progress, they amplify negativity. They call their perspective “realism” or “pure logic,” but in reality, they’re cultivating a culture of defeatism.

On the other end, you have the optimistic pragmatist. This is the leader—official or not, who acknowledges challenges but stays focused on solutions. They don’t sugarcoat reality, but they don’t wallow in it either. They inspire through action, not just words. They make things happen and, in doing so, pull others forward with them.

The mindset that sets YOU apart

If you’re sitting there thinking, “Everyone else has it figured out, but I don’t,” you’re wrong. The real difference between those who succeed and those who don’t isn’t innate knowledge or some magical ability to predict the future. It’s mindset.

It’s the willingness to take action even when the path isn’t clear.
It’s the ability to embrace uncertainty without letting it paralyze you.
It’s the determination to push forward with intention and optimism, even when the odds feel stacked against you.

In summary:

No one has all the answers. Not your boss, not your colleagues, not even the most successful people you admire. What sets them apart is their willingness to act, their ability to inspire, and their refusal to let uncertainty hold them back. They embrace change, swallow it and make something strong out of it.

So, the next time you feel like you’re faking it until you make it, remember: everyone else is too. The real question is, what are you going to do about it?

When a child falls, their reaction often depends on how the adults around them respond. If the adults panic, the child cries. If they stay calm, the child brushes it off and keeps playing. Similarly, when you tell a close friend, “X person is bad news,” they’ll likely adopt your opinion without question. These are examples of how easily influence shapes behavior, and it’s no different in the workplace.

Over the years as a manager, I’ve seen my fair share of divisions: teams pitted against teams, departments at odds with each other, and even fractures within small groups. Companies mirror society, with norms, rules, and tribal tendencies, making some division inevitable. And while some level of division might be natural, reinforcing it is a choice and one that I don't necessarily agree with.

The Problem with “Us vs. Them” Mentality

One of the biggest culprits of workplace division is language. Words matter. When leaders talk about “shielding the team” or “protecting our group,” they’re drawing lines, often unintentionally. I make it a point to never use language that creates division. Instead of “them,” I use names. Instead of “protecting,” I focus on collaboration.

Even without explicit language, divisions can form. Sometimes, it’s within the same company or department. You’ll have a group of people who are supposed to be working toward the same goals, and their efforts are sabotaged, not by external forces, but by their own biases, egos, and unconscious behaviors.

It’s a subtle and crucial shift. Too often, I’ve seen organizations, sometimes even small teams, undermine their own success by allowing an "us vs. them" mentality to take root. When this happens, people stop working towards shared goals and instead prioritize their own team’s agenda, sometimes even unintentionally sabotaging overall progress.

How to Break Down Silos

To overcome this challenge, teams and departments must learn to work together, not just in theory but in practice. That means:

• Setting a shared vision and goals. Everyone should be aligned on the bigger picture, not just their team’s immediate priorities.

• Fostering a culture of collaboration over competition. Departments shouldn’t operate as rival factions; they should function as interconnected parts of the same system.

• Encouraging self-reflection and adaptability. Leaders, especially department heads, need the humility to challenge their own perspectives and biases.

• Prioritizing competence, low ego, and emotional intelligence. Building a team with these qualities makes alignment far easier in the long run.

Achieving this is no small feat, different teams have different ways of thinking, shaped by cultural backgrounds, past experiences, and personal philosophies. And it’s not impossible. With intentional leadership and the right mindset, businesses can create a work environment that thrives on unity rather than division.

The Role of Culture and Experience

Workplace dynamics don’t exist in a vacuum. They’re shaped by a variety of factors: the topics being discussed, cultural backgrounds, and past experiences, both good and bad. A team that’s been through a tough project together might emerge stronger, and they might also develop biases against other teams who weren’t in the trenches with them.

Understanding these nuances is key to breaking down silos. It’s not enough to say, “We need to work together.” You have to address the underlying tensions and create opportunities for teams to connect on a human level. Team-building activities, cross-departmental projects, and open forums for feedback can all help bridge the gap.

The Bigger Picture

Tribalism in the workplace isn’t just a management challenge, it’s a cultural one. Left unchecked, it can derail even the most promising companies. When addressed with intention and care, it can be transformed into a source of strength.

The goal isn’t to eliminate differences but to harness them. When teams with diverse perspectives come together around a shared vision, the results can be extraordinary. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. After all, a company that rows together grows together.

If you enjoyed my article, please subscribe! I started writing to share my experience as a manager with other managers. Today I write whatever comes to my mind, with little or no preparation and about my daily thoughts and experiences. I must say that this brings me more satisfaction than in the past. I am happy to write more often and more content that is deeply connected to my thoughts. Thanks for reading!

Interviewing is one of the most subjective processes in the professional world. It’s not just about your skills or experience, it’s about whether you fit what the company is looking for at that moment. Sometimes, you’re replacing someone, inheriting their expectations and responsibilities. Other times, you’re stepping into a brand-new role with undefined boundaries. The outcome often depends on who is interviewing you and what they believe the ideal candidate should be, sometimes, that perception is entirely different from what the job truly requires.

Why Interviewing Might Feel so Frustrating

The subjectivity of it is what makes interviewing exhausting. In the software engineering world, particularly in management, expectations vary wildly. Some companies want a people-first leader, others prioritize technical expertise, and some seek an elusive hybrid of both. You might check all the boxes on paper, but if the interviewer’s personal expectations don’t align with your strengths, you won’t make the cut. It’s not always about being the "best" candidate, sometimes, it’s about being the right candidate for them.

The other day I was in a screening interview with a recruiter. In the middle of the interview, something came to mind:

I feel like this person and I have different values, and this ultimately affects how they interpret what I say and the value they place on my words.

I just felt… disconnected. We didn’t “click”, and when you're interviewed for a position, you're the one being questioned, even though we all know it's a two-way assessment, in reality, it's not.

Reinventing the wheel Interview Process

If you’ve ever left an interview feeling discouraged, remember this: interviewing is a skill, and like any skill, it can be improved. Here’s how you can shift your mindset:

Perfecting Your Story – The way you present your experience matters as much as the experience itself. Practice answering common questions, but don’t just memorize responses, craft a compelling narrative about your career journey.

Story-telling is a good approach on explaining your point clearly while maintaining a good level of engagement.

Communicating Your Value Proposition – What makes you the right person for the job? Articulate your strengths in a way that directly connects with the company’s needs. Research the company, understand their challenges, and position yourself as the solution.

Some people may feel uncomfortable when they “sell themselves.” They may feel like they are a salesperson (awful!) or even a liar. The truth is, if it’s not you, someone else will do it and they will succeed.

When a company needs a strong, capable person, they want to be sure they are making the right decision with you—people can’t read minds, but they can hear your confidence and your assurance that you will get the job done.

Making It a Two-Way Street – Interviews aren’t just about impressing the employer; they’re about evaluating if the role is right for you. Ask thoughtful questions about the company’s culture, leadership expectations, and long-term vision. The right job is a mutual fit, not just an offer letter.

I’ve had several situations where asking many curious questions brought an offer to my door. Questions show excitement, curiosity and a desire to support the organization to reach their goals.

I've also encountered people who ask questions as if they were reading from a script. Don't just ask questions and move on to the next one - interact with the answer, ask follow-up questions and show a genuine interest in what's in front of you!

Rejection Is Redirection

It’s easy to feel discouraged when you don’t land the job, but remember: interviewing is a numbers game. Even the most qualified candidates face rejection. What matters is how you respond.

Keep refining your approach. Keep learning from each experience and take bunch of notes! perseverance is key and you could be your greatest blocker from reaching your goals.

The right opportunity is out there, it’s just a matter of time..or perhaps, a matter of what you decide to make the right opportunity.

The other day, on my commute home, I found myself thinking about the games I play (usually MMOs and team based games) and how, in many ways, life mirrors them. In some matches, I can have the best scores and still we lose. In others, I might be struggling and we end up winning anyway.

That got me thinking about age and birthdays—what if they’re just level-ups? With each passing year, we gain experience and, hopefully, wisdom (though that’s not guaranteed). Even the bad experiences, habits, and behaviors we pick up along the way contribute to our growth in some way.

Reflecting on Myself 🧘🏽

All of this led me to reflect on how much I’ve changed over the years—my personal style, my leadership approach, my personality, and the way I treat others, both personally and professionally. Comparing my current self to who I was 10 years ago, the difference is night and day. I’ve even looked back at old Facebook messages and cringed at some of the things I said—the tone, the words, the perspective I had back then.

One realization that has stuck with me came from a conversation with my partner a few years ago. Around 3-4 years ago, I was struggling to understand why I kept getting rejected from job opportunities, despite receiving positive feedback and feeling like I had done well. Eventually, I realized that those who secured the positions often had more years of experience and a broader range of skills. My partner told me something that still resonates today:

Experience can’t be replaced entirely by talent. Even if you’re a talented manager and candidate, you’re still years away from reaching your full potential. You need time to face different situations, each one shaping your leadership in ways talent alone can’t.

I listened, I nodded, and I agreed. And to this day, I still do.

Every challenge, every setback, and every success is part of the journey. If we shift our mindset from “Why is this happening to me?” to “What is this teaching me?”, we open ourselves up to a world of growth. So, the next time you’re frustrated with where you are, ask yourself: What skills am I building right now that my future self will thank me for?

Closing Thoughts

Whenever I reflect on my past experiences, lessons, and continuous growth, I feel deeply grateful—for the people I’ve met, the opportunities I’ve had, and even the setbacks that have shaped me. Life has a way of teaching us through everything and everyone we encounter. Sometimes, we forget that every person and every situation can be our teacher at some point.

Life is a game. We’re in constant evolution, and to me, that’s the beauty of it. Every day is a new chance to learn and grow as human beings, as individuals—and that excites me. As painful, frustrating, and confusing as it can be at times, that’s life. That’s the beauty of it. And that’s what keeps things interesting!

As cliché as it sounds, I see myself as a lifelong learner—sometimes a student, sometimes a master, and always a mentee of life.

In a world brimming with complexities and challenges, it's easy to fall into the trap of blaming others or expecting someone else to fix our problems. However, a fundamental aspect of personal growth and maturity lies in our ability to take responsibility for our own lives. Adlerian psychology, inspired by the work of Alfred Adler, offers invaluable insights into how we can become more self-reliant and proactive in our journey toward becoming responsible adults.

Understanding Adlerian Psychology:

Adlerian psychology, rooted in the belief that individuals are driven by a desire for belonging and significance, emphasizes the importance of taking responsibility for one's life. Adler argued that our past experiences, particularly our early childhood, influence our behavior and choices as adults. However, he also believed that we have the power to shape our destinies through our choices and actions.

The Power of Self-Reflection:

Tip 1: Examine Your Beliefs and Values

Start by reflecting on your core beliefs and values. What do you truly value in life? Understanding your values helps you make decisions that align with your true self, reducing the likelihood of blaming external factors for your choices.

Tip 2: Recognize Your Goals and Aspirations

Set clear, achievable goals for yourself. When you have a purpose and direction, it becomes easier to take responsibility for your actions. You become the architect of your destiny.

Overcoming the Victim Mentality:

Tip 3: Avoid the Blame Game

Rather than pointing fingers at others when things go wrong, focus on how you can contribute to a solution. Blaming only perpetuates a victim mentality and inhibits personal growth.

Tip 4: Embrace Challenges

View challenges and setbacks as opportunities for growth. Adlerians believe that we can learn from every experience, positive or negative. This mindset shift encourages responsibility.

Developing Social Interest:

Tip 5: Cultivate Empathy

Adler emphasized the importance of "social interest," which is a genuine concern for the welfare of others. By empathizing with others and helping them, you not only strengthen your relationships but also become a more responsible and caring adult.

Tip 6: Seek Support When Needed

Taking responsibility doesn't mean you have to tackle everything alone. It's okay to seek support and guidance from friends, family, or professionals when facing challenges. Asking for help is a responsible action in itself.

Practicing Accountability:

Tip 7: Own Your Mistakes

We all make mistakes. What sets responsible adults apart is their ability to admit when they are wrong and take steps to rectify their errors. This builds trust and respect in both personal and professional relationships.

Tip 8: Learn from Feedback

Constructive feedback, even if it stings, is a valuable tool for personal growth. Embrace it as an opportunity to improve and take responsibility for your development.

Adlerian psychology reminds us that true adulthood entails taking responsibility for our lives, our decisions, and our contributions to society. By understanding our values, overcoming the victim mentality, developing social interest, and practicing accountability, we can become more responsible adults capable of navigating life's challenges with grace and integrity. Taking responsibility is not always easy, but it is the path to personal growth, self-fulfillment, and a more harmonious world. Embrace it, and you'll find the power to shape your own destiny.

It is really important to have guidelines and consistency when conducting any type of interview, be it technical, detection, or any other type of human interaction that contains the word “interview”. These points will make the candidate feel appreciated and will also help them stay engaged.

The preparation.

The usual way to start this topic is with the sentence “Be prepared”… yeah yeah, but how? The preparation phase is one of the most important parts of the interview pipeline, so the next time you are going to prepare for one, take into consideration these basic points:

If there was another step, read the previous interview notes

This will help a lot when trying to get to know the candidate and even better skip some repeated questions unless you would like to validate some missing pieces.

Review the candidate’s CV

I know it is kind of obvious but it is highly important for the candidate to feel that they are valued and that their profile has been reviewed, it makes it feel real.

Prepare a plan based on the candidate’s career and past experiences

Following up on the previous point, it is also a good motivator to ask questions related to their previous and current experience. “I see that you helped x company achieve higher success when it came to international sales, could you tell me some challenges from back then?”.

As expressed, this will make the applicant feel valued and give them the chance to shine based on their own experiences, struggles, and learnings.

The emotional preparation.

Besides getting ready with the steps described before, it is also important to get emotionally ready, how?

Be on time

Basic but very powerful tip, be always on time, with this simple task you are showing empathy and respect for the candidate’s time and experience.

Be thankful to the candidate

Always start with a phrase that thanks the candidate for their time. Remember, it is not about you giving them a chance, it is the other way around.

Relax, it is not a battle

Sometimes, we make the big mistake of thinking that the interview is like a battlefield, you throw question after question hoping to find that knowledge gap or make (unconsciously) the candidate fail. It is very related to the previous point, it is about them giving their time to you and not the other way around.

Be fair, imagine yourself being on the other side of the video or seat, remember maybe those times when you thought “It is not fair to evaluate me only based on x or y thing when I have much more to offer” well, it is the same for them.

Be mindful of the candidate’s stress

Let’s face it, it is a stressful situation no matter how you put it, be aware of this, have compassion, and be empathic, being aware of this helps a lot in noticing those stressful moments and going around them to make it nicer.

You don’t need to be better than the candidate

Sometimes we interview brilliant candidates, much brighter than us and that’s Okay, your knowledge may not be related at all to what the candidate is an expert in.

Allow the candidate to ask questions at any given point

Mention this several times from the beginning (two times at least). Sometimes we focus so much on asking questions, and as mentioned before, to make (unconsciously) the candidate fail because we are looking for this ideal unicorn that will solve all of our problems that we don’t give them room to interrupt or even ask questions, once again, is not about you, is about them.

The technical preparation.

Last but not least, be technically prepared. Ideally, you have a list of premade questions that you will combine with the CV and other experience-related questions. Once you have a list of questions to ask the candidate, follow these points to make it even better:

Read and go through the questions, get used to it

Read, read, and read, and get as familiar as possible with the questions you ask, at the end of the day, you’re the one asking right? So dominate those!

Prepare your answers

Similar to the previous point, prepare the expected answers so you could even help them with hints or suggestions. Sometimes the candidate knows the answer but needs a little lift. This also helps you dominate the questions and even understand a different answer with the same meaning.

Prepare your environment

Be it live coding, code snippets, IDE, or any other tool (especially on video calls nowadays), prepare and prepare your environment beforehand.

Have a solid understanding of what you will be asking

As mentioned before, dominate your questions!

Own the pace

Be mindful of the time, try to never go over the scheduled time and if needed, handle the number of questions and time invested on each one.

Be respectful

As a self-explanatory point, always keep a high level of respect.

The closing part.

In the end, it is important to create your notes and the outcome of your interview to share them with other related parties that will come in the next step of the interview pipeline. You can make the notes while interviewing or after (I prefer after since it allows me to be fully concentrated on the candidate’s answers). Think once again that this person will be in your team or organization, and imagine yourself working side by side.

If the candidate did not meet the criteria for the role level, think about even a lower level if possible (ex. Senior to Mid-level) but of course, only if you see the candidate as a potential co-worker. Try to finalize the interview with at least 5 mins of margin, so that the candidate is free to ask any questions.

At one point in my life, I found myself plagued by stress and anxiety as I fixated on things that were beyond my control. It took me several years, but through self-reflection, mindfulness, and learning from difficult experiences, I was eventually able to develop healthier coping mechanisms and find greater peace of mind. I would like to share a story with you about a person named Sarah who went through a similar journey and ultimately discovered the value of focusing on what she could control.

There was once a young woman named Sarah who found herself constantly stressing and worrying about things that were beyond her control. She would spend hours ruminating over events and outcomes that she had no power to change, and as a result, she struggled to find peace of mind. Despite her best efforts, Sarah found that she was unable to shake her anxieties, and they began to affect her relationships, work, and overall well-being.

One day, Sarah decided to seek the advice of a trusted mentor, who helped her to understand that focusing too much on things that she couldn't control was only causing her unnecessary suffering. The mentor encouraged Sarah to identify those things that were within her sphere of influence and to channel her energy and efforts toward those areas. With practice and patience, Sarah was able to shift her mindset and learn how to let go of those things that were beyond her control. As a result, she found greater calm and fulfillment in her life and was able to thrive in both her personal and professional endeavors.

Not being able to accept those things out of our control

I will start with one of my favorite quotes from Epictetus:

“If we can focus on making clear what parts of our day are within our control and what parts are not, we will not only be happier, we will have a distinct advantage over other people who fail to realize they are fighting an unwinnable battle.”

- Epictetus

To optimize your energy and mental well-being, it is important to focus on those factors that you can actually control, rather than worrying excessively about those that are beyond your influence. By using a professional and measured approach, you can work to shape the outcomes that affect you positively, both for your own benefit and that of the organization.

With patience and practice, you can learn to distinguish between those things that you can control and those that you cannot, and in doing so, you will gain greater mastery over your emotional state. In this way, you can play an active role in bringing about positive change, and in the process, strengthen your wisdom and resilience.

Providing feedback or coaching

Disconnect your thoughts from the person in front of you, and focus on goals, strategic topics, and behaviors. Define expectations and goals in a clear and precise manner and agree with the other person on those by setting some action points and always focusing on the end goal.

If there’s certain behavior that is currently affecting the team’s aura (or ours), it’s easy to fall into the trap of taking it a “bit” personal and mentioning these personal attributes or even comparing it with other people making the session feel like an attack. This will provoke the other person to shut down, and nothing will be accomplished out of it.

Receiving feedback

Rule #1, Be grateful. First of all, be grateful to those dedicating some time to you to provide feedback, listen patiently, take notes, and ask some clarification questions, the person providing the feedback may not be an effective feedback provider, but I’m sure you can take some useful information out of it.

There were probably times when some of us felt attacked by comments from our boss, peers, or colleagues, and maybe they were just reflecting on how they felt about us. They probably weren't objective or goal-oriented, but nevertheless, that type of feedback is also useful. You can take the opportunity to arrange things with that person or anything related to what he/she has mentioned to you, surely there must be something useful within those hurtful lines.

Quitting your job or getting dismissed

Last but not least, a difficult episode, a failure, a break up in professional world language, probably getting dismissed is one of the toughest episodes, is that feeling of rejection, the one we feared when we were kids, at school and now at work. A cool quote about cause and effect that I like is:

“Choices made, whether bad or good, follow you forever and affect everyone in their path one way or another.”

―- J.E.B. Spredemann

When facing the end of a professional relationship, whether it be due to resignation or dismissal, it is crucial to maintain a level of professionalism. Not only will this help to preserve any relationships and connections you have made within the company, but it will also serve to protect your own mental health and well-being.

It is understandable to feel upset or rejected in these situations, but it is important to remember that a job is a service contract and that sometimes, it is best to part ways amicably and leave behind positive memories. While it may be difficult, it is not impossible to keep emotions in check and handle the end of a professional relationship with grace and professionalism. Always strive to learn and grow from these experiences.

Reflecting on past professional experiences can be a valuable opportunity for learning and growth. It is natural to have strong emotional attachments to a job and to feel a sense of rejection when those attachments are not reciprocated. However, it is important to remember that a job is a service contract and that sometimes it is necessary to move on in order to prioritize mental health and well-being. Maintaining positive relationships and leaving behind good memories can help to facilitate a smooth transition and set the stage for future success. It is important to continue learning and growing from these experiences, regardless of the challenges we may face along the way.

As new people leaders, it is important to have a firm grasp of the basics to succeed in a leadership role. People are the heart and soul of successful leadership, and leaders who shine are those who can mentor, direct, and show the way.

One of the first things I learned as a leader was to identify my leadership style, which helped me not only to be more reflective but also to understand when to apply each style and become a situational leader.

Uncovering your leadership style

Leadership styles tend to develop naturally over time, often without us even realizing it. However, the real question is, are we using these styles effectively in each situation? The ideal approach is to be flexible and adaptable, able to adjust our style as needed to fit each scenario. But, it's also perfectly acceptable to blend multiple styles and use them in tandem. The key is to find what works best for you and your team.

A team of researchers, headed by psychologist Kurt Lewin, embarked on a mission in 1939 to recognize various leadership styles. Although subsequent research has pinpointed more specific forms of leadership, this initial study was highly significant and established three key leadership styles, which have since provided a platform for more definitive leadership theories.

During Lewin's investigation, a group of school kids were categorized into one of three sets, each with an authoritarian, democratic, or laissez-faire leader. The children were then directed through an arts and crafts task, while researchers observed their conduct in response to the various leadership styles. It was discovered that democratic leadership was generally the most effective at motivating followers to perform well. Here are them in detail:

Authoritarian Leadership

Authoritarian leadership styles allow a leader to impose expectations and define outcomes. A one-person show can turn out to be successful in situations when a leader is the most knowledgeable in the team. Although this is an efficient strategy in time-constrained periods, creativity will be sacrificed since input from the team is limited.

Participative Leadership

Participative leadership styles are rooted in democratic theory. The essence is to involve team members in the decision-making process. Team members thus feel included, engaged, and motivated to contribute. The leader will normally have the last word in the decision-making process.

Delegative leadership

Also known as “laissez-faire leadership”, a delegative leadership style focuses on delegating initiative to team members. This can be a successful strategy if team members are competent, take responsibility, and prefer engaging in individual work.

In addition to the three styles identified by Lewin and his colleagues, researchers have described numerous other characteristic patterns of leadership. A few of the best-known include:

Transactional leadership

Transactional leadership styles use “transactions” between a leader and his or her followers — rewards, punishments, and other exchanges — to get the job done. The leader sets clear goals, and team members know how they’ll be rewarded for their compliance.

Transformational Leadership

In transformational leadership styles, the leader inspires his or her followers with a vision and then encourages and empowers them to achieve it. The leader also serves as a role model for the vision.

Situational Leadership

Situational theories of leadership focus on how the environment and specific circumstances impact leadership effectiveness. One of the most well-known situational theories is Hersey and Blanchard's leadership styles, which was first introduced in 1969. This model outlines four primary leadership styles:

1. Telling: Telling people what to do

2. Selling: Convincing followers to buy into their ideas and messages

3. Participating: Allowing group members to take a more active role in the decision-making process

4. Delegating: Taking a hands-off approach to leadership and allowing group members to make the majority of decisions

Blanchard later expanded on this model with his SLII leadership styles, which emphasizes how the developmental and skill level of followers can influence the most effective leadership style. The SLII model includes four leading styles:

1. Directing: Giving orders and expecting obedience, but offering little guidance and assistance

2. Coaching: Giving lots of orders, but also lots of support

3. Supporting: Offering plenty of help, but very little direction

4. Delegating: Offering little direction or support

Why is it important to know your leadership style?

Knowing your leadership style is important for several reasons: ⭐️

• Self-awareness 🧘‍♀️: Understanding your leadership style helps you become more self-aware and reflect on your strengths and weaknesses as a leader. This can help you identify areas for improvement and develop a leadership philosophy that aligns with your values and beliefs.

• Effectiveness 💫: Knowing your leadership style allows you to tailor your approach to the needs of your team and specific situations. This can increase your effectiveness as a leader and help you get the best out of your team.

• Communication 🗣️: Different leadership styles require different communication techniques. Understanding your leadership style can help you communicate more effectively with your team and build better relationships.

• Flexibility 🤸: Knowing your leadership style helps you recognize when it's appropriate to modify your approach. This can lead to greater flexibility and adaptability as a leader, which is especially important in fast-changing environments.

• Personal and professional growth 🏋️‍♀️: Understanding your leadership style can also help you grow as a person and professional. It can provide you with insights into your strengths and weaknesses, and help you identify opportunities for development and growth.

The learning shouldn't stop here! Many sources could and should help you become a more self-aware individual and leader for the good of your team, your peers, and yourself. If you want to read more, there is an interesting article here. I hope you enjoyed this article and stay tuned for more!